A Shift in Focus

There are days I find myself wondering if we should continue in this foster care process, if we should accept more placements once little boy and baby girl leave.  It's been hard.  It's been hard on us and on our family especially since many family members were hoping these would be children we could keep.

While talking with a good friend the other night, I was talking about how I've seen that children being removed from one home and placed in another, then going back home again was not God's original design for a family... I'm not trying to say it's not in the best interest for some families to make them realize the impact of their actions and change their life, just that it is not how He designed the family to be.  Once you become a parent there are amazing, rewarding times.  But there are also hard times.  You're tired, they're tired, you just want a do-over on the day.  These are times you may want to throw in the towel and say, "that's it, I'm done, I'm not cut out for parenting, it's not for me!" But you don't have a choice.  The child has been entrusted to you and is yours as long as you both shall live.  So you pick up the pieces and carry on.
But in fostering... it's different.  We still have those different times.  The good times and the bad.  We are parenting.  But when those hard times come, doubt creeps in... "are we meant to be parents?  Or was God trying to tell us something with the infertility?  Am I actually cut out to be a parent?"

So that shift in focus... I think too many times I look at a situation and instead of seeing it for what it is, I look a what it could/maybe/possibly be a long time down the road and only focus on that.  Example:  When meeting guys when I was younger [and NOT married or dating Tim yet!] I wouldn't just think "oh, he's a nice guy."  Instead I'd jump to "I wonder if he's the one I'm going to marry."  I would get so caught up in wondering that I'd miss out on what could be a great friendship.  Similarly with fostering, I find myself getting so caught up in the thought of long term parenting and wondering if we made the right choice and if we are doing things right with these kids, and if I'll regret changing from just Tim and I to suddenly having kids.  But the reality is, it's not long term.  Fostering always has the goal of reunification.  We've had that engrained into our heads that we must support that until the parent's rights have been removed.  I've been thinking too long term.

I was reminded through the conversation with my wise and amazing friend that our reason for fostering wasn't to find/form a family.  It was because we felt we had love to share, enjoyed children, and most importantly felt called to take care of children.  God has not given us any of our own, so instead we are free to love on other ones [without worrying about how our children will respond] while their parents get their life in order.  To minister to these little ones and maybe through them, to minister to their parents.  A unique mission field, but one we feel God lead us to, at least for now.  I don't need to get caught up in the big picture, but rather focus on this little piece of life, this little one I can take care of, snuggle, read books to and love on today.