A Beginning in an End

This cycle marks the end of two years of trying to get pregnant. You know, it's kind of funny to think about when I was still on birth control and all of the times we messed up.... whether it was forgetting to take the pill on time or having the ring come out without me noticing it. I remember the nervous excitement we felt as the end of the cycle approached...
Did we mess up for good, conceiving our first child?
Would we find ourselves making an announcement to the families?
Would they approve or look down on us since Hubby still has years of school left?

Then the excitement would come to an end as things started, and a new cycle began...
Now I look back on that, after trying to get pregnant for two years, and wonder why I even took the birth control. I wish I knew then what I know now. If only I could step back in time and tell myself "You don't need the birth control, in fact, stop taking it now so you have a chance of conceiving sooner!" But instead, we are locked in time, the past has already happened and is unchangeable. We can only live in the present and only God knows the future.


It is interesting that as this 26th cycle is coming to an end, that tomorrow I go to a meeting to find out information about adoption. I'm excited about it! Even though I know adoption is uncertain, I feel like it's more certain than trying to get pregnant... then again... a lot more expensive too!